


A Reflection

by Catw00man



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist, Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood & Manga
Genre: Community: fma_fic_contest, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-19
Updated: 2012-10-19
Packaged: 2017-11-16 15:02:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/540743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Catw00man/pseuds/Catw00man
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Throughout his life Maes learned so much, but it's what he learns at the end that matters most.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Reflection

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first time I've ever done a fic like this in five parts. I'd wanted to try this forever and I finally got and idea I felt I could make it work
> 
> Written for the[fma_fic_contest](http://fma-fic-contest.livejournal.com) where it took 1st place for the prompt: _Study_   
> 

  


  
__  
**Of knowledge…**  


Tactics, ethics and political science are interesting, but nothing captures your attention the way history does. There’s just something about looking at the past and picking apart what went wrong and why. All the answers are right there at your fingertips, ready for the taking. You’re certain if you study enough you’ll be able to map out the future the way it _should_ be instead of the way it could be.

It’s a shame your academy buddy doesn’t share your enthusiasm.

_“You’re never going to pass military history if you don’t put down the alchemy book, Roy.”_

_“Why should I worry about the past, Maes? It’s the future that’s important, not something some random fool did 50 years ago. We need to worry about moving forward, not looking back.”_

_“You’ll be moving forward into repeating this class if you don’t watch it.”_

He waves off your words as inconsequential, but picks up the history book anyway. You’d consider it a victory if you didn’t know you’ll be prying it out from under him in about an hour to prevent it from being drooled on. Only Roy Mustang can turn the priceless events of the past into a pillow.

 

_**Of love…** _

Her smile is the thing of dreams. Her eyes hold the future of the world each time she looks at you and her hands hold your heart and soul with the gentlest of ease. In one breath you understand all the foolish things you’ve ever heard people have done for love. You could be such a fool.

You are.

Long walks through the park and picnics on the grass are never long enough. You want to know everything. You need to memorize every, single detail about this amazingly perfect woman.

_“Maes, aren’t you tired of hearing me talk? You can’t possibly want to hear about my cousin’s baby shower.”_

_“I want to hear everything, Gracia, everything about you. I could listen to you talk all day long.”_

_“You’ve already won my heart, Maes Hughes. You don’t have to try so hard.”_

_“For you I’d try until the end of time.”_

Roy would call you a sap for this, but you don’t care. He can have his alchemy. You have Gracia and that’s all you need. Lying in the grass with your head in her lap and her hands in your hair is the sweetest heaven you’ve ever known.

 

_**Of war…** _

Survival is the only thing that matters.

Desert heat scorches and windblown sand scratches away everything but this one goal. You learn to sleep with one eye open as each day bleeds seamlessly into the next. There is no future and no past.

Not in this place.

You’re a student of war, of bullet trajectories and knives. The land is a canvas of traps and protections each of which must be learned not for the grade but for another day at life. Ambush can be anywhere and you learn the stench of death and exactly how long it takes to scrub blood from under of your nails.

_“How can you smile at a time like this, Hughes?”_

_“I have something to live for.”_

_“That still doesn’t explain grinning like an idiot in this hellhole.”_

_“It does when you know you will survive. I’ll make it home, Roy.”_

Fragile, rose scented letters are a reminder, but they aren’t the answer. The answer is in being the first to act, the first to run and the first to know the difference. You remember this with each breath, living in the moment to make it to the next.

You will survive.

 

_**Of life…** _

You thought your life was perfect, even with the bone deep scars of the past. But then you learned the news and once again you needed to know everything, you had to be ready. So many nights spent reading about every detail as if a book could ever prepare you for this.

A tiny hand curled around your finger.

Huge eyes, her mother’s eyes, staring up at you like you have every answer in the world.

And you will. For her you will.

You’ll learn everything there is to know. High pitched cry and it’s time for a diaper change, long drawn out wail and the bottle heats on the stove, low fussy sound and she’s on your shoulder as you rub her back to ease her pain. Then there’s your favorite, the soft, melodic coo, the sound she only makes for you.

_“She’s beautiful, Maes. Congratulations.”_

_“Just like her mother. She’s more than I’ll ever deserve.”_

Each word is true and she breaks your heart with every smile. Just like her mother. She is your salvation, the atonement for your sins, and as you watch her grow you understand the reason you’re alive.

She is your life.

 

_**Of death…** _

You thought you could learn everything you needed to change the world. Maybe you learned too much. Maybe that’s why you’re here. History, alchemy, dates and numbers all came together and you saw clearly for a moment. In the next breath you knew what it all could mean.

_“Once we get through these classes we’ll join the real world and do something useful, Maes”_

_“It was all useful, Roy. I wish I could tell you now.”_

The tang of blood, the smell of charred, decaying bodies, you learned it all and never turned away. The taste of her kiss, the sweet bliss of love blooming in your chest each time she looked at you. It out weighed everything.

_“No matter what happens, I’ll always love you Maes.”_

_“I love you too, Gracia. Forgive me, I won’t make it home this time. I’ve never deserved you.”_

You hear a baby coo, the special one just for you. it’s been years since she made that sound. Your salvation even now.

_“Daaaaaddy, play with me?”_

“Elysia, I’m so sorry. Daddy can’t play with you now, but I’ll always be with you.”

The end, but not the end. Your future still lives.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and concrit are always loved and appreciated. :-)


End file.
